Leadership doesn’t begin with a title. It starts with tension.
The tension between who you are and who you’re expected to be. Between the leader you want to become and the advice you’ve been handed, like a blueprint that was never designed with you in mind.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re not measuring up, like you’re falling behind in your leadership journey, let me offer a reframe:
You’re not failing. You’re growing.
And growth often appears as dissonance before it reveals itself as clarity.
When Leadership Advice Doesn’t Fit
For years, many ambitious emerging leaders have been fed the same recycled slogans:
- "Just speak up more."
- "Take the feedback and don’t take it personally."
- "You need to toughen up if you want to lead."
At face value, some of this advice may hold fragments of truth. However, for many, it falls flat like a performance review with no context. Empty. Unhelpful. Ill-fitting.
What if the problem isn’t you?
What if the model of leadership you were being groomed for rewards confidence over competence, volume over value, and visibility over thoughtfulness?
What if you were told to "act more strategically" without ever being shown what that actually looks like? Or asked to manage conflict without any language around psychological safety, cultural nuance, or emotional intelligence?
This is not failure. This is a misalignment.
And recognising that misalignment is the beginning of real leadership.
The Quiet Crisis of the Emerging Leader
Most ambitious emerging leaders aren’t underperforming. They’re under-supported.
They’re navigating high-stakes conversations, complex team dynamics, and internal pressure to "prove themselves", and all while armed with little more than generalised advice and outdated role models.
In place of mentorship, they get metrics. In place of meaningful development, they get motivational slogans. In place of practical guidance, they get told to "own the room."
The result? A quiet crisis of confidence, masked by high performance and hidden exhaustion.
But here's the truth:
You are not broken. You are outgrowing advice that never fit.
From Role to Real
Leadership isn't about becoming someone else; it’s about becoming more yourself.
It’s not about adopting a persona; it’s about deepening your presence.
The real work of leadership is the work of integration:
- Aligning your values with your behaviours
- Owning your voice without performing it
- Holding boundaries without building walls
- Navigating conflict without losing compassion
This work is not performative. It’s transformational.
And while it may not look like what you were taught, it’s precisely what the future of leadership needs.
The Real Signals of Growth
Sometimes, growth feels like frustration. Sometimes, it appears as questioning advice that others still follow without hesitation. Sometimes, it means realising you no longer want to be seen as "strategic" in the way others define it, but instead as wise, human, and impactful.
If you feel like you’re out of step with the leadership norms around you, take heart. That discomfort is data.
It might just be the signal that you’re becoming the kind of leader others will one day look to as their example.
A Quiet Revolution
Emerging leaders like you aren’t looking to be louder. You’re looking to be clearer.
You’re not trying to dominate a room. You’re trying to build trust in it.
You’re not chasing influence for its own sake. You’re seeking impact that aligns with your integrity.
This is a quiet revolution. And it starts with recognising the advice you’ve outgrown.
Reflect With Me
- What’s one piece of leadership advice you’ve quietly stopped following?
- What model of leadership no longer feels true to who you are?
- What kind of leader do you want to become, and what does that version of you need to hear instead?
You’re not behind. You’re not too late. You’re exactly where the next generation of leadership begins.
Let’s name what no longer fits. And move forward with what does.
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