Rethinking Ego
I used to think ego was easy to spot. Loud voices. Arrogance. The need to dominate a room.
However, I then worked with a real team coach, and I learned that ego doesn't always look loud.
Sometimes, ego is silence - the choice not to speak in meetings, for fear of being wrong.
Sometimes, ego is over-preparing - the endless effort to prove oneself.
Sometimes, ego is not asking for help - because needing support feels like failure.
In other words, ego isn't always about showing off. It can also be about hiding.
Ego As A Mask
What that coach helped me see was that ego is often a mask. It's a way of covering the doubts and fears we don't want others to see.
- The fear of being irrelevant.
- The fear of not knowing enough.
- The fear of not being ready.
So we hide behind perfection. Behind performance. Behind doing everything "right".
But here's the truth: when we lead from ego (whether loud or quiet), our teams feel it.
We force them to adjust. They learn to manage around us. And they carry weight that isn't theirs to hold.
What Coaching Taught Me
The most significant shift wasn't learning how to eliminate ego; it was learning how to work with it.
Wth compassion.
With curiosity.
With accountability.
Instead of fighting my ego, I began noticing it. Asking: "What's underneath this reaction?" and "What am I afraid of here?".
That awareness didn't erase the ego, but it softened its grip, and it gave me more choice in how I showed up.
Why This Matters For Teams
Teams don't need perfect leaders. They need human ones. Leaders who are willing to notice when ego is steering the ship, and those who are skilful enough to course-correct.
Because when leaders don't acknowledge their ego, their teams end up managing around it. And that creates friction, mistrust, and fatigue.
But when leaders own their ego with honesty, something shifts. Teams relax. Trust builts. Collaboration strengthens.
It's not about removing ego from leadership. It's about leading through it.
My Reflection
Ego isn't the enemy; it's a signal — a reminder of where we feel vulnerable, and a clue to what we most need to face for the sake of our growth.
The lesson I carry from my coaching experience is simple: leadership isn't about having no ego, it's about building the awareness and humanity to lead through it.
And when you do, your team no longer has to manage around you. Instead, they get to focus on what matters most: the work, the trust, the growth.
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