Early in my leadership journey, I took pride in being the one who always showed up.
The first to fix a problem.
The last to leave the office.
The one who could speak when others hesitated, step in when others stumbled, and deliver when others were stuck.
It felt like good leadership, and in many ways, it was.
Support. Protection. Loyalty.
I cared deeply. I wanted my team to feel safe, backed, and seen.
But over time, something shifted.
The Team Started Waiting
It was subtle at first.
A few slower responses to challenges.
More questions directed at me instead of each other.
Fewer ideas offered without my opinion anchoring the room.
Then I heard it.
"It's hard to grow when everything is already done for you".
It wasn't said with blame.
Just truth.
Gentle. Direct. Brave.
And it landed with a weight I couldn't ignore.
Because they were right.
Good Intentions. Unintended Consequences.
What I thought was helpful (e.g. fixing, stepping in, protecting) had become something entirely different.
I wasn't just offering support.
I was removing struggle.
And with it... the opportunity for learning.
I was smoothing the path so much that no one had to walk it.
And slowly, without realising it, I'd created a team dynamic where initiative dried up and dependence took root.
Not because they weren't capable.
But because I wasn't leaving space for them to be.
Overfunctioning: The Silent Trust Killer
Here's the paradox.
I overfunctioned because I cared.
Because I wanted to lead well.
Because I didn't want them to feel pressured, panicked, or feel like a failure.
But overfunctioning sends a quiet message:
"I don't trust you to handle this".
It doesn't say that out loud, of course.
It says it in a hundred micro-movements:
- The answer you give before they've finished thinking.
- The solution you implement before they've had a chance to try.
- The meeting you lead when they were ready to step up.
And over time, those moments add up.
What was meant as care becomes control.
What was meant as safety becomes stifling.
Holding Space Is Harder Than Holding Answers
Letting go isn't easy.
Especially for emerging leaders who've risen because of their competence.
Because they're the ones who can fix things.
Because they've always been the reliable one.
But leadership isn't about doing.
It's about developing.
And sometimes the most courageous move isn't stepping in -
It's stepping back.
Letting someone else fumble.
Letting the silence stretch.
Letting the meeting take a turn you wouldn't have chosen.
Not because you don't care, but because you do.
Support Doesn't Always Look Like Solving
In our public training rooms, this truth arises more frequently than you might expect.
Bright, motivated, emotionally intelligent leaders who feel responsible for everything.
They carry the room.
They hold the tension.
They cover the gaps.
Until someone says what they already know but haven't admitted:
"I don't know how to stop overfunctioning".
We explore the difference between support and saving.
Between leadership and control.
Between guiding and gripping.
And together, we practise the subtle art of making space.
From Hero To Host
The shift I made - and the one I now help others navigate - was this:
From being the hero of every moment...
to being the host.
Someone who:
- Sets the tone, then lets others shape it
- Asks better questions instead of giving faster answers
- Resists the urge to rescue, and invites responsibility instead
This isn't passive leadership.
It's powerful leadership.
The kind that doesn't just hold the team, it grows it.
You Can't Build Capacity While Filling Every Gap
If your team feels quiet...
If you're always "just helping"...
If you're carrying more and more while they seem to have less...
Pause.
Not to blame.
Not to shame.
But to ask:
- Where am I solving when I could be supporting differently?
- What might they step into, if I stepped back even a little?
- What am I afraid will happen if I don't?
Because sometimes the most empowering thing you can do is not do it.
A Soft Reminder For The Hard Days
This work isn't glamorous.
You won't get immediate praise for holding back.
You won't always see the growth right away.
You might even feel exposed - like you're letting the team down by not "handling it".
But here's what I've learned:
When you create space, people rise.
Not always instantly.
Not always perfectly.
But they do.
Because no one grows under someone else's shadow.
Even if it's a shadow cast by care.
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